# Dating in japan as a foreign woman

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I think Japanese men are shallow and like women that take care of them self and doll up. One of them is about to tie the knot this fall. A really common mistake that most guys make when they communicate cross culturally is they think their subtle, razor sharp wit and wordplay will impress.\
&#x20;![dating in japan as a foreign woman](http://www.tokyonightowl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Japanese-Girls-and-Foreign-Guys.jpg)\\

Online dating is still less common here and even a con frowned upon. Our membership base is made up of thousands of beautiful women from Russia, Eastern Europe, Asia, Latin America and Africa looking for men just like you. This comes through in dating because Japanese girls are really flaky and often cancel at the last minute. I've met men who met confidence in my own country but in Japan it is far more common and a real social disability. Again think of it as a long term request. Anthony: Is that different to Italian men?.

Again think of it as a long term request! On a related note, US-based dating site for people already in a relationship, , recently made its official launch in Japan. And yes, is super common to see a western guy with a japanese girl rather than a japanese guy with a western girl.\
&#x20;![dating in japan as a foreign woman](https://sociorocketnewsen.files.wordpress.com/2014/07/mr-81.png?w=580\&h=384)\\

**‘Don’t sell your soul for a Japanese man’** - Contrary to what people believe, Japanese people do express their feelings.\
&#x20;![dating in japan as a foreign woman](http://howibecametexan.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/DSC01095-346x500.jpg)\\

Throw in some culture shock, the language barrier and a completely different set of rules and you have something like dating in Japan. In the name of research, GaijinPot got together three different women UK, USA and Italy to share their experiences of dating in Japan. The results were pretty interesting… What were your ideas about Japanese men when you came here? Have you ever been asked on a date by a Japanese guy? Christa: I was with a girlfriend in Shibuya and two men approached us on the street and we went out for drinks. Anthony: Were they drunk? I had heard that Japanese guys tend to be intimidated by foreign women. When I first came, I felt no guys found me attractive since they never looked my way. Do girls have to be more aggressive in approaching guys here than back home? Christa: I actually approached someone on the train recently and he was totally ok with it but yeah it was kind of up to me to make a move. She even did it again just to double check and, nope…still nothing. Like if I initiate wanting to meet that puts some guys off here. Chiara: I know some married couples and the first meeting is usually through friends or at university. Even my boyfriend who is pretty confident had to wait for a friend of mine to set-up a dinner where we could meet before he could work up the courage to ask me out. Anthony: Is that different to Italian men? Rebecca: I think quite a common thing among foreign girls who are in relationships with Japanese guys is that generally the guy has lived abroad or has some sort of not-typical Japanese perspective that makes him attracted to foreign girls. Is it hard to find something in common or to talk about when you first date a Japanese guy? Christa: Yeah I went on this one date and the guy spent most of the time on his phone and it was really awkward. Rebecca: I think because of the language and cultural barrier often conversations can be quite superficial — this or that recommendation of what to do in Japan, or do you like this Japanese food etc. Are a lot of people dating in Japan? Anthony: Is there really a casual dating culture here? Rebecca: Yeah, it seems like back home dating is really much more frequent. I mean I think that people will go on lots and lots of dates, going in and out of relationships over their twenties and kind of assessing what they want before they settle down. Rebecca: My experience dating foreign guys here has been comparable to back home — so pretty awful actually — but the general picture of foreign guys in Japan is that they really want to date Japanese girls. Rebecca: Actually I think that must be difficult for foreign guys especially. Are relationships more conservative here? Christa: Hmm the dynamic between men and women I think is more traditional then back home. Rebecca: Yeah I wonder about relationship equality. Chiara: I have to say compared to back home in Italy, Japanese men help around the house and I was quite surprised by that. A huge thank you goes out to all of the girls who took part in the dating in Japan discussion! Have you dated in Japan? How do you feel about some of the things that were talked about? I was in tokyo for 2 weeks. Well i met a japanese man on tinder, he was very talkative for being japanese maybe because he told me he works in publicity. He told me he want to kiss me and he did it…really weird, i never expected that from him. Then a few days later we met again and hook up, from what i think he is a total gaijin hunter and probably will tell his friends he hooked up with a latina. I think its a big challenge for Asian men to make that confident approach hopefully that barrier can be tackled. Not sure what it would be like for men dating women in Japan. Im sure there are different intentions for both men and women who are foreign. Gives me a better understanding of how the dating scene works in Japan before I visit. I met my Japanese husband at a bar in Japan. I never had any preconceived notions about what Japanese men are supposed to be like. We are best friends and share so many things in common. Sometimes you just have to give someone a chance. They just might be your lifetime partner. Really an interesting topic, this what I have experienced while dating a japanese guy. One thing for sure he is not afraid to show me to the world. When I was in my early 30s here in Tokyo, I dated a few Japanese guys. The signs of affection are subtle but unmistakable. I was too skittish. When I was over 40 I met my awesome Japanese guy. I think that, because both of us are mature age wise, anyway! Probably the main reason i moved out of Japan to the UK…. I role my eyes at online blogs saying that how easy it is for white males to meet the female natives here. Most people have no idea how life really is in Japan and how secluded and isolated the people have become. Their family does that for them. They seem to have tunnel vision and have zero interest in getting to know the foreign women in their area. Most of my foreign female friends are in the same boat, the few who do have Japanese boyfriends are fluent in Japanese which seems to make a big difference. FYI back then kissing was considered part of the sex act and NEVER in public and NEVER kiss a child. The first kiss in a film caused a huge controversy. I got over it. Good luck to all of you. Not to burst the bubble but Japanese men and women are deffinately more interested in dating white people than any other race. Also they equate most white people to being Americans. I do agree that Japanese men are shy and the women are pretty aggressive. The only reason if a Japanese guy asked me or a few of my friends to even hang out was only because he wanted to learn English. I think Japanese men are shallow and like women that take care of them self and doll up. I have to disagree completely. As a foreigner its much easier for me to meet girls speaking Japanese than English. That aside, I know tons of Philippina girls here who are married to or are currently dating Japanese men. As long as you can speak some Japanese you should be fine. I personally have secured JLPT N2 and yet the scene is far from how you describe it. You seem to have assumed that West Asians looked like East Asians which are both quite different. West Asians And South-East Asians do not blend into the East Asians in Japan. Despite Philipines being in South East Asia, they look completely different from Indians or Pakistani people and this region is abundant with diversity. Also your gender does matter. Being a girl, I have a lot of Japanese friends but having male friends is much more difficult. Also, if you are a male foreigner, you stand a better change of landing a significant other. Asian is asian, regardless of the specific country they come from. And because of that you will be judged heavily on how you present yourself, as you are forced to directly compete with every other cute, stylish, bubbly, fun, exciting, insert adjective here asian girl living in the country. Are you trying to get male friends or a boyfriend? Are you presenting yourself in a way that lets men know you are interested in them? Unspoken language is just as important, if not more so, than spoken language in theses situations.
